Fauna, 1 year.

Twelve months and eight days ago Fauna came out of my womb. The birth. The first days. The first months of life. I barely remember them. Her presence and existence is so tangible in the now that those days seem far away. It's unbelievable what a human learns and transforms in its first year of life. Unbelievable how all those states of mind simply and progressively appear: desire to laugh and have fun, need for tenderness, casual pleasure, dissatisfaction and frustration, trance while disconnected from the surroundings... All the ways little children have to communicate without verbal language. Signs that we, adults, relearn to understand. They are so pure while they have no verbal language. Their minds are empty of letters and words but yet full of impressions, experiences and thoughts. This age where Fauna is right now feels delicious to me. I love it. The deep intimacy that we share (I enjoy breastfeeding now more than ever before). The gestures of love. Her honesty and openness. Her expressions and preferences. Her character. Fauna with her face. Fauna her forms and her movements. The total calmness she has while sleeping, empty of tension.
Fauna has dark blonde hair and dark grey eyes. She is tinny but healthy in her weight and length. She is active but quiet, cautious but brave, very aware of her surroundings. She is careful when trying out and has control over her motion. She is independent. She is very curious about objects, lights, and the space around. She sleeps very good through the night and in her morning nap. She eats very good too. She wants to try anything if Manfred and I are eating it. And most of the times she likes it. She plays with the boundaries and prohibition in such genuine way, very measured and unnoticeable, that I find myself having no desire to interrupt her. She is learning to point to things and she smiles while doing it. She is slowly getting to use the spoon in a proper way when eating, but her hands are still her best tool. She is also standing up and eventually walking few steps. Perhaps it is because I am her mother but I find her morphology and movements very elegant.
Manfred and I don't press her intelectual development at all. We like to observe how she grows all by her own will (like walking or talking). We definitely enjoy this "primitive" phase of her. We get a blue when we realized that this time is quite ephemeral. She will be a grown up in a eyes blink.

Atmosphere. Fairyland Bedroom

As a child I used to daydream a lot. Basically, that's all I did. One of my favourite imagination theme was my future house. I loved to picture how it would look like. How I will decorated it. It was fantasy and, of course, it allowed great ideas with no limitations. Now that I am a grown up I have learned something about decoration: It is a process that never ends. The house you live in is permanently transforming as you do. It evolves along with you and your circumstances. The furniture, the personal items, make your space comfortable because you give them life with time. The house has a character itself too that influences you and the way you use it. I am a person who truly inhabits the living space. I think I am very attached to my home and I grow roots very fast if I feel welcomed.  
Years ago, when Manfred moved into this apartment, it was right after a long relationship so he had the strong vision of a single lifestyle. The rooms where minimalist. They were practically empty of furniture. A huge sofa and the vintage hi-fi were the elements that dominated the living room. In the bedroom, just a mattress on the floor and a standing bathtub next to the window. Then we met and he opened widely the doors of his intimacy to me. I immediately adapted and felt like I was always here. Unavoidably I started to influence the atmosphere of the house and it became more crowded.
We actually moved out for two years while we lived in Halle. So when we came back we started more or less from zero, in decorative terms. And this time the apartment had to be adapted for three inhabitants! It is a two rooms house so Manfred and I made an agreement. The living room would remain as minimal as possible, keeping it with clean lines and male tones. In the bedroom I could do what I want, making it as ornamental as I desire. And that's how the bedroom became a fairyland.

I have always been obsessed with details. With hidden elements. Things you don't realize at the first view. Things you have to dig in. I try to create a bedroom to dream. A place which inspires you to fantasize. A room for Fauna to discover. Colorful, bright and flowery. It has two faces: the daily one and the nocturnal. The daylight atmosphere pretends to be a garden (due to the lack of balcony and backyard). The nocturnal feels like an underwater world. 
It is probable that I still will change details here and there (because I am observing all the time and finding new little things to put into "perfection") but I am satisfied with it. It truly invites you to enter and relax.

Childhood. Fauna, your first trip to Madrid.

Dear Fauna, two weeks ago we flew to Madrid for the first time in your life. Madrid is the place where I was born and I grew up. It is the place where your grandmother and great-grandmothers live. You were then close to become 11 months old. I wanted to bring you there before you become 1 year old. 
We spent one week in the house of your grandmother Matilde. You connected very well. She gave you the breakfast almost every morning and you played a lot together. She also bathed you and gave you the dinner every night. One day she even made you sleep at night time. You liked her house a lot and the playground that is close by. One day we went to Toledo to visit your grandfather Tolo and he also made you sleep carrying you in your Mei Tai. This fact is important to remember since sleeping is the most difficult activity for you to do without me or your father. 
The first days were hard for you because I concentrated all the big meetings then. The day we arrived you met your great-grandmother Matilde who is 92 years old. She is mother of 11, grand mother of 35, and great-grandmother of 16. She is endlessly peaceful and always in a good mood. The second day we spend it in "El Guijo", where your grandmother lives, hanging around with some old friends of mine. The third day we went to your grandfather's and my lovely friend Maria came with us. The forth day was quite intense because we went to meet your great-grandmother Maribel and many other family members came too. It was too loud, too crowded... too much. But it was very special for Maribel because you are her first great-grand child. That day you received many presents as well and I got to see cousins I didn't see for very long time. 
After this stressful time I kept it quiet and relaxed for you. On Sunday we went to "La Pedriza", a natural park I have always loved very much. We were many people too, but nature keeps you in a good mood. We hanged around next to crystalline river and made picnic. You slept a very long nap there. It was a wonderful day with live music, courtesy of my friend Jaime which is a musician I like to sing and improvise with when ever we have a chance. 
On Monday it took place a reencounter with my friends Lorena, Sara and Paula. It was cool for you because we were in the playground and it was all about you. The last two days left we were just enjoying the house of grandma and the beautiful surroundings. Your uncle Fernando was with us.
Oh! I almost forgot to say that you learned at least three things that week. You started to stand up and now you do it constantly. You opened a closed every door you found on your way. Also, you swing a lot those days at the playground and you loved it! You even put your self into movement playing with the balance of your body. 

For me was a needed trip because I missed the place and my people very much. Everything went smoothly and perfectly. Me and my mother were in harmony, and this is exactly what I needed. I cooked for her and I felt very cozy in what was my home as a child. I didn't want to leave but I collected energy until the next visit. Hopefully we will be back this summer and you will learn to swim at the pool with your amazing grandmother and, at the ocean, with your brave grandfather.

Personal. Growing older toghether.

Last Saturday Manfred had birthday. He became 51 years old. A couple of days before Fauna became 10 months old. It is amazing how we have become a family. It feels like if it has always been that way. Time passed by but the joy of our life is permanent.

Manfred is for me, apart of the love of my life, a model to follow. He has lived his life fully and always open to change and transformation. That's why his soul remains young. Yet, he is responsable and reliable. His mind is the most interesting mind I have ever get to know. His interests are wide. His senses are cultivated. His emotions are healthy. 
What makes me admire him so much is the balance he has to be mature and to be funny. He can manage big projects, meetings, boring adults stuff... And at the same time be silly as a child (Fauna loves all the ridiculous things he does). I love his freedom, they way he enjoys all kind of things. From reading books about quantum physics to have wild sex in the middle of the nature. Every day I am amazed by his holistic personality, imposible to fix into boxes or cliches. 
I met him when I was nineteen years old. We had all kind of crazy adventures together. We had orgies, made great parties, traveled with our van, knew new people... And it all felt safe, because we did it with perspective and care for ourselves. We also have done intelectual work together: brainstorming, design, speeches, portfolios... Now we are parents, and this is the biggest adventure of all. We are settles for now and reflected as never before. We agree in all points of how a good childhood should to be. How a person becomes emotionally healthy and fulfilled in life.
Along his side I have become a strong woman. I have grown and matured but my essence remains intact. He helps me to be the best version of myself. I try to do the same for him.

To celebrate his birthday we just did what we like to do the most: to enjoy with the little luxuries of our lifestyle. We went on a walk to the street market in our neighborhood and we had dinner in our favorite "tapas" bar. Simple but perfect.

Manfred, my love. To meet you was the best thing that have ever happened to me. To have a child with you, the best decision. Thank you for your light.

Beauty is in almost everything around us. This is a blog about beauty from my point of view.