.PERSONAL. The lucky ones

 I am starting to worry about the size of my belly. Looks like it's too little. It seems that people don't realize, or even believe, that I am pregnant. I got this conclusion based on experiences I had these last days on the streets: people just don't see my belly. They may think I am just fat... The thing is that, indeed, my belly is not so big. A couple of doctors already said to me that my baby is a bit little. But they also have said that the blood I pass to her is flowing in correct amounts and that despite she is little, she is still inside of the healthy parameters. So... I decided to not be too concerned by the situation because I also know that my mother gave birth to little babies and we are all healthy and without growth problems. And also, I have in mind that if she is not so big, it will be easier to bring her out of me when I go into labour.
Perhaps the date of my pregnancies development is miscalculated and I am in a earlier state than the doctors have told me. However, I wasn't thinking so much about the size of my belly until I started having this embarrassing situations where people don't take me seriously when I claim to be pregnant. 
 I don't want to worry too much in general because I am not supposed to feel stress. I realize now clearly that it was the most relevant factor that influenced my cervix, making it shorter before it was time for it. It is difficult to not let stress get into you, sometimes it gets into you and you don't even become aware of it. Life is just stressful sometimes. Manfred and I have to solve some aspects of our lives before she arrives to the world: there is paperwork to do like taxes and marriage certificates, a kitchen to re-do, storage space to create in the corridor, to buy a couple of important baby furnitures, to do the pre-birth course, to decide for a hospital... And you have to add to this the daily routine of duties like to shop, to clean and to work. 
 But then, I try to have in mind all the time: do not let life overwhelm you, do not stress yourself, enjoy this last time you still have her inside of you, swimming like a fish. Because, you know? It is easy to complain and to feel the victim of reality. It is really easy to position yourself into self-pity. But you have to reflect yourself and be honest when you look your circumstances. I think about other people, like my roommate in the hospital some weeks ago. Her pregnancy was truly complicated from the very beginning and she had to spend weeks, perhaps months, in this hospital room. As her, a lot of other women have really complicated pregnancies (complicated lifes and families too) that, if I would be in their situation, I would feel miserable. I look these pictures from two weeks ago and I realize that Manfred and me are on the side of the lucky ones. We are healthy, we are strong and we are happy. We can spend Saturdays naked in the bed loving each other, seeing the afternoon pass by our room and cuddling while wondering about how she will look or how her personality will surprise us. I see these pictures and they remind me that we have a luxurious lifestyle. And I am not talking about an economical luxury but about an emotional luxury. What I am about to say will sound extremely cheesy but I must say it: We are blessed by the Universe that surrounds us and contains us. 







1 comment:

  1. to be pregnant and dont look alike, its a compliement my friend... a compliment from life * and big kuss to the lucky star coming!

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